I really don't play favorites...

The April update has me feeling immense Mama Guilt.  Guilt because the run-up to E3 has begun, which means I am home less, and when I am home I am a lot less present.  And guilt because when I read through all notes I jotted down about the kids this month they were all about Matteo, with the exception of this quote from Lily: "So daddy, I've thought this through and made up my mind that I'm going to go home" - which is adorable but I have NO idea what the context was.  Argh.  Worst.  Mom.  Ever.

At least I can be partially redeemed with some observances about the boy.

Remember when I mentioned he'd climbed out of his crib?  Well as any parent in our situation would, we trundled down to Ikea and bought him his very own big boy bed, brought it home and set it up.  He loved it.  I mean REALLY loved it.  He played on it, walked on it, rolled all over it.  It was the best new toy ever.  And that's about it.  For 5 nights straight we tried to get him to sleep in it and night after night we wound up putting him in his crib after he wailed, climbed out and banged on his door.  On night five he was crying plaintively from the bed when Chris peaked in and asked if he'd rather sleep in his crib.  Little man climbed out, grabbed his binky and lovie, waddled over to the crib in his sleep sack and knocked on the side while staring expectantly at Chris.  Since then the bed has become a very large, awkwardly low changing table.

One thing that did mark his passage to big-boy territory was the giving away of his Baby Becco

Last carrier ride in Feb

carrier.  It's been weeks and I have to say it still haunts me.  While I love that he is growing and developing - starting to string together words (uh oh agua, bye bye Dada), perfecting the "I don't know" hand gesture with both right in front of him, not wanting to hold my hand on sidewalks because it hinders his exploration, presenting me toys when I pick him up from school while proudly declaring "My mama!" - I've always felt that he is still my little baby.  I loved wearing him, I loved cradling his little body and feeling like we were in our own little cocoon, no matter how crowded the room.  I loved how he would settle in, lay his head against me and relax his whole body.  Somehow knowing that is over is harder than any other milestone he's hit.  He still cuddles in my lap when I read to him, still rests his head on my shoulder when I whisper my goodnights in his ear...but I know that too has an expiration date and I need to savor every last moment he allows me. 

Now I am totally sad, so how about a happy observation?  While shopping with me last weekend, Matteo was positively giddy about a container of cherry tomatoes I picked up.  He couldn't wait to tear into them and giggled after the first bite.  It made me realize how totally different Lily and Matteo are from how I was at their age - I was raised on Dolly Madison in my lunchbox, Bacos (not bacon) in my eggs and SPAM in my soup.  It was a proud mama moment when I let Lily try a Zinger and she declared "this doesn't taste like food!".  When she asks for snacks, she wants big carrots, cucumbers, apples, berries and olives.  Matteo will devour whole bananas while touring Trader Joes and squeals with delight when he sees a fruit bowl.  I'm not perfect and Lord knows I've made plenty of parenting mistakes, but when it comes to healthy foods I'm pretty proud of the choices my kids make.

And since I fell down on the quotes, I'll leave you with some quirks.  The train obsession continues for both Chris and Matteo.  I will post pictures when the behemoth is done, but until then I will share that nothing calms Matteo like the promise of "choo choo trains" - his favorite bath toys are Thomas - his favorite books feature them - and he is Daddy's #1 engineer.  His other eccentricity is dirty hands...or rather his distain for them.  If he gets them wet/messy while eating, he will present them to you with a horrified look and whine of disgust until you clean them.  Sometimes even that is not enough and he will then disrobe (or attempt to) and demand a full bath.  Strangely, outside dirt is no problem - it's food that really gets him (to the right you can see the horror cupcake crumbs on fingers invoke).  It's a bit of a problem for a kid whose fork skills are questionable at best.

So that's April's thoughts in a nutshell.  Lily, when you someday read this, I am sorry I had more to say about your brother this month.  I love you to the moon and back, you are the greatest big sister a little dude could wish for and you are always my #1 girl, even when I am to scattered to remember what funny and wonderful things you said and did this month.

Sister awesomeness in action - teaching Matteo all about pots-and-pans band